For many stay-at-home mums, the decision to work isn’t just about pursuing passions or earning extra income—it’s often a necessity. Whether it’s to help with household expenses, save for the future, or simply to ensure financial stability, sometimes working is a requirement rather than a choice. However, this necessity brings its own set of challenges, particularly when it comes to balancing work and being the hands-on, full-time mother we aspire to be.
As Muslim mothers, we hold the role of nurturing our children close to our hearts. The idea of them missing out on the virtues of having a present, full-time mother can be a source of guilt and concern. After all, our deen (way of life) emphasises the importance of motherhood and the profound impact a mother has on her children’s upbringing. So, how do we reconcile the need to work with our desire to be fully present for our children?
Accepting the Reality of Working While Mothering
First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge that feeling torn between work and motherhood is natural. Many of us grapple with these emotions, especially when work takes us away from our children, even if only mentally. But it’s also essential to remember that providing for your family is a noble pursuit, and sometimes that means making sacrifices.
When work becomes a necessity, it’s crucial to approach it with a mindset of balance and intention. It’s not about striving for perfection but about doing the best we can within the circumstances we have. Your children might miss out on having you fully present all the time, but they’ll also learn valuable lessons from seeing their mother work hard and contribute to the family’s well-being.
Maximising Quality Time
While we may not always have the quantity of time we wish to spend with our children, we can focus on the quality of the time we do have. Making the most of the moments we spend together can help alleviate some of the guilt that comes with working.
- Prioritise family rituals: Whether it’s a family meal, bedtime stories, or weekend outings, creating and sticking to family rituals ensures that your children have consistent, dedicated time with you. These moments, though small, build strong, lasting bonds.
- Be fully present: When you’re with your children, try to be fully engaged. Put away work distractions and focus entirely on them. Children are perceptive, and they’ll appreciate the undivided attention, even if it’s just for a short time.
- Involve your children: Depending on their age, involving your children in your work can help them feel connected to what you’re doing. It might be something as simple as letting them help you organise your workspace or sharing with them what you’re working on.
Finding Support and Delegating
Balancing work and motherhood isn’t something you have to do alone. Seeking support, whether from your husband, family members, or even a community of other mums in similar situations, can make a significant difference.
- Delegate tasks: If possible, delegate household chores or even some aspects of childcare to others. This can free up time for you to focus on the more meaningful interactions with your children.
- Consider flexible work options: If your current work situation doesn’t allow for flexibility, explore other opportunities that might. Jobs that offer flexible hours or remote work can help you manage your time better and be more present for your children.
Balancing Guilt with Gratitude
Guilt is a common companion for many working mums, but it’s important to balance that guilt with gratitude. Reflect on the reasons you’re working and the benefits it brings to your family. Maybe it’s the financial security that allows your children to have a better future, or the ability to provide for their needs and wants.
It’s also helpful to remind yourself that being a mother isn’t just about physical presence—it’s about the love, care, and guidance you provide in whatever capacity you can. Your children will remember the love and effort you put into creating a safe and happy home, even if it means you’re not always there in the way you’d ideally like to be.
Making Dua and Trusting in Allah’s Plan
As with all things in life, turning to Allah for guidance and support is key. Making dua for balance, barakah (blessing) in your time, and ease in fulfilling both your roles as a mother and a provider can bring much-needed comfort and perspective. Trust in Allah’s plan and remember that your efforts, whether at home or at work, are valuable and seen by Him.
It’s also important to make dua for Allah to grant you ease in your life and to place you in a position where working may not be necessary. Ask Him to provide for your family in ways that allow you to focus more on being present with your children and fulfilling your role as a mother. Trust that Allah’s wisdom and mercy are vast, and He knows what is best for you and your family.
By turning to Allah, you can find peace in knowing that He is guiding your path, and with His help, you can navigate the challenges of balancing work and motherhood with grace and strength.
Working while being a stay-at-home mum is undoubtedly challenging, especially when it feels like our children are missing out on the virtues of a fully present mother. However, by focusing on the quality of time spent with them, seeking support, and maintaining a balance between guilt and gratitude, we can navigate these challenges. We will be gaining strength and wisdom along with our families inshaAllah (by Allah’s will). Remember, your efforts to provide for your family and nurture your children are both valuable and seen by Allah. Trust in His plan, make dua for guidance, and know that you are doing your best in both roles. Your children will benefit from the love, care, and hard work you put into creating a happy and secure home. May Allah provide you with ease in all that you do. Ameen.
