When a parent passes away, many people feel that their opportunity to be dutiful has ended. In reality, a new and profound phase of birr al-walidayn (dutifulness to parents) begins.
Birr after death is among the purest and most sincere forms of dutifulness. During a parent’s lifetime, acts of kindness may be mixed with other intentions – being polite out of habit, fulfilling duty to avoid guilt, or seeking praise and approval from parents or others. But after their death, there is no audience. Only Allah Subhanu Wa Ta‘ala sees and hears what you do for them.
In this sense, birr after death is stripped of all but sincerity.
Their Need After Death Is Greater
A deceased parent is, in many ways, in greater need of their children than when they were alive.
What a child does for their parents during their lifetime largely fulfils worldly needs – food, care, companionship, comfort. But after death, the parent stands alone before Allah Subhanu Wa Ta‘ala. Only He knows what ease or hardship awaits them in the grave.
At that point, nothing benefits them except what Allah allows, and among the greatest of these is the du‘a of a righteous child.
Never Forget Your Parents
Never forget your parents – no matter how harsh they may have seemed. Only Allah Subhanu Wa Ta‘ala truly knows the love that existed in their hearts, the struggles they carried silently, and the sacrifices they made that were never seen or acknowledged.
As you sit down to eat, remember the countless meals your mother prepared for you. Remember how she fed you, worried over you, and put your needs before her own. Let that memory soften your heart – and let it move you to action.
At that moment, offer a meal to an orphan, a widow, a divorced woman, or a needy person on behalf of your deceased parent, begging Allah Subhanu Wa Ta‘ala to reward them for it.
Remember them:
- In your du‘a during sujood
- Between the adhaan and the iqamah
- In every act of worship
- In moments of ease and hardship
Give charity on their behalf quietly, wiping away the tears of orphans, widows, and those in difficulty. Quench the thirst of the thirsty on their behalf – whether by providing water, contributing to a well, or supporting a lasting source of benefit (sadaqah jariyah).
Birr al-Wālidayn is a short treatise on the subject of being dutiful to parents which was published recently for the first time. This treatise is significant because Imam Bukhārī appears to be the first person to pen a treatise specifically on this subject. It comprises 75 hadiths which are transmitted under various chapter headings focusing on two broad themes: being dutiful to parents and maintaining family ties. This English translation is accompanied by succinct and insightful commentary from Mufti Yusuf Shabbir, in addition to appendices featuring the narrations transmitted by Imam Bukhārī on the same topic in his Ṣaḥīḥ and Al-Adab al-Mufrad, chains of transmission and biographies of the narrators.
Imam Muhammad Ibn Ismail Al-Bukhari, Shaykh Yusuf Shabbir · 2019
Between Two Legacies
Each of us stands between two legacies.
We are the legacy of our parents, and at the same time, we are preparing the legacy our children will carry for us.
What we do today – our du‘as, our charity, our conduct – may be all that reaches our parents in their graves. In the same way, what we teach, model, and instil in our children may one day be all that reaches us.
We often reflect on what our parents gave us, yet rarely pause to ask:
What are we becoming for our children?
Are we a legacy of mercy for our parents – remembering them, praying for them, and honouring them after death?
And are we raising children who will one day do the same for us – children who know Allah, understand birr, and carry us in their supplications?
This is the circle Allah Subhanu Wa Ta‘ala has placed us in. We are entrusted with both ends: honouring what came before us and nurturing what will come after us.
Our time here is short. Titles fade, wealth disperses, and memories weaken. But a righteous legacy endures – passed from parent to child, from du‘a to du‘a.
Let us strive to be a source of light for those who preceded us, and to leave behind children who will be a source of light for us – for in that balance lies true success.
The Power of Du‘a for Deceased Parents
Supplication for mercy (rahmah) is priceless for the deceased.
Through the sincere du‘a of a child, Allah Subhanu Wa Ta‘ala – out of His infinite grace and mercy – may:
- Illuminate the darkness of the grave
- Expand it and remove its constriction
- Turn it into a garden from the gardens of Paradise
A few whispered words, uttered in sincerity, may weigh heavier than mountains.
Allah Subhanu Wa Ta‘ala teaches us this beautiful supplication in the Qur’an, Surah Al-Isra (17:23-24):
The Night Journey (17:23)
۞ وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّۢ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًۭا كَرِيمًۭا ٢٣
For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully.
وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًۭا ٢٤
And be humble with them out of mercy, and pray, “My Lord! Be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young.”
Other powerful du‘as that include parents are those made by the Prophets themselves.
From the supplication of Ibrahim عليه السلام (Surah Ibrahim, 14:40-41)
رَبِّ اجْعَلْنِي مُقِيمَ الصَّلَاةِ وَمِن ذُرِّيَّتِي ۚ رَبَّنَا وَتَقَبَّلْ دُعَاءِ
“My Lord, make me an establisher of prayer, and [also] from my descendants. Our Lord, accept my supplication.”
And:
رَبَّنَا اغْفِرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيَّ وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَوْمَ يَقُومُ الْحِسَابُ
Rabbanā’ghfir lī wa liwālidayya wa lil-mu’minīna yawma yaqūmul-ḥisāb
“Our Lord, forgive me, my parents, and the believers on the Day the account is established.”
Let us teach these du‘as to our children – for one day, every one of us will need it.
A Final Reminder
If you are blessed to still have your parents alive, then increase in khidmah (selfless service) as much as you can. Keep them happy, honour them, and fulfil their permissible needs. Do not delay goodness – because when death comes, what remains are only regrets and prayers.
May Allah Subhanu Wa Ta‘ala have mercy on our parents, forgive their shortcomings, illuminate their graves, and reunite us with them in Jannatul Firdaws. Ameen.
