Most of us don’t struggle with receiving advice because we don’t care – we struggle because we do. We want to do what is right, grow in our deen, and please Allah ﷻ. Yet sometimes, a reminder from a loved one or a sister in Islam lands in a way that feels uncomfortable or unexpectedly heavy on the heart. Instead of feeling guided, we may feel exposed, misunderstood, or even defensive. Understanding why advice can feel painful at times is the first step toward receiving it with humility, grace, and trust in Allah’s wisdom.
So, why is advice sometimes so hard for us to hear? A key reason is pride – a trait that quietly blocks our hearts and dims our capacity to listen, learn, and grow.
In Islamic teachings, pride (kibr) isn’t simply confidence in oneself. It is a state of elevating the “self” above truth, humility, and the reality that all good comes from Allah ﷻ. The Prophet ﷺ taught that:
وعن عبد الله بن مسعود رضي الله عنه عن النبى صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: “لا يدخل الجنة من كان في قلبه مثقال ذرة من كبر” فقال رجل” إن الرجل يحب أن يكون ثوبه حسناً ونعله حسناً؟ قال: “إن الله جميل يحب الجمال الكبر بطر الحق وغمط الناس” ((رواه مسلم)).
‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “He who has, in his heart, an ant’s weight of arrogance will not enter Jannah.” Someone said: “A man likes to wear beautiful clothes and shoes?” Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, “Allah is Beautiful, He loves beauty. Arrogance means ridiculing and rejecting the Truth and despising people.” [Muslim].
Riyad as-Salihin 611
This hadith isn’t about modesty in appearance alone – it speaks to the condition of the heart, the very place humility lives.
Pride and the Ability to Take Advice
When pride grows in the heart, it acts like a curtain between us and sincere guidance:
1. It makes correction feel like criticism
Instead of seeing advice as care, the prideful heart hears: “You are being judged.” This triggers resistance rather than reflection.
2. It whispers, “I already know best.”
Even when someone points out a weakness or offers a better way, pride says: “I have this under control.” A person’s ego often refuses to humble itself under sincere advice, even if it would benefit them.
3. It devalues the adviser, not the advice
Sometimes we dismiss reminders from those we respect because pride makes us cling to image, reputation, or fear of being “wrong” in front of others.
4. It shifts our focus from the message to the messenger
Instead of reflecting on what is being said, the heart becomes preoccupied with who is saying it. Thoughts like “Who are they to correct me?” or “They think they’re better than me” quietly surface. In these moments, the advice itself is dismissed – not because it lacks truth, but because our ego feels challenged. Pride can make us perceive correction as superiority, even when it is offered with sincerity, causing us to close our hearts to guidance that may have benefited us.
Islam teaches that true humility doesn’t make you small; it is a soul strength with a heart opened to truth. A humble believer says “Alhamdulillah for the guidance, and may Allah soften my heart.” This is the spirit that transforms advice into growth.
The Islamic View on Pride and Humility
Pride is described by scholars as one of the spiritual diseases of the heart. Imam Al-Ghazali explains that pride leads a person to think they are superior, preventing them from recognizing their own flaws and receiving mercy from Allah ﷻ.
Allah warns in the Qur’an not to be arrogant:
وَلَا تُصَعِّرْ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمْشِ فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا ۖ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍۢ فَخُورٍۢ ١٨
“And do not turn your nose up to people, nor walk pridefully upon the earth. Surely Allah does not like whoever is arrogant, boastful.
Luqman 31:18
Practical Ways to Let Go of Pride and Receive Advice
Here are real ways pride shows up when we’re “advised”:
- Denying truth: “I don’t need help.”
- Blaming others: “You don’t understand my situation.”
- Excuses instead of acceptance: “I can’t change that.”
- Feeling offended rather than reflective.
Here are steps to soften the heart:
- Make intention pure: Recognise advice as a form of maʿruf (goodness).
- Say “Alhamdulillah” for every sincere reminder.
- Remember that beneficial advice is a mercy from Allah ﷻ.
- Practice listening first, responding later.
- Thank the adviser — even if you choose a different path.
- Regularly ask Allah to purify the heart from pride.
وَعَن أُمِّ مَعْبدٍ قَالَتْ: سَمِعْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يَقُولُ: «اللَّهُمَّ طَهِّرْ قَلْبِي مِنَ النِّفَاقِ وَعَمَلِي مِنَ الرِّيَاءِ وَلِسَانِي مِنَ الْكَذِبِ وَعَيْنِي مِنَ الْخِيَانَةِ فَإِنَّكَ تَعْلَمُ خَائِنَةَ الْأَعْيُنِ وَمَا تُخْفِي الصُّدُورُ» . رَوَاهُمَا الْبَيْهَقِيُّ فِي الدَّعَوَاتِ الْكَبِيرِ
Umm Ma’bad said she heard God’s messenger say, “O God, purify my heart from hypocrisy, my action from vain show, my tongue from falsehood and my eyes from wrongful glances, for Thou knowest the surreptitious looks of the eyes and what is concealed in the breasts.” 2
Baihaqi transmitted the two traditions in [Kitab] ad-Da’awat al-kabir. 2. cf. Qur’an, xl, 19.Allahumma tahhir qalbī minan-nifāq, wa ‘amalī minar-riyā’, wa lisānī minal-kadhib, wa ‘aynī minal-khiyānati, fa innaka ta‘lamu khā’inata al-‘uyūni wa mā tukhfī aṣ-ṣudūr.
Mishkat al-Masabih 2501
The sister who gently corrects you may be doing you a favour that your ego cannot see yet. And the sister who listens to you without judgment is teaching you humility in return.
Lasting words
Dear sister, receiving advice with humility is not about being perfect. It is about embracing tawāduʿ, a humble heart that recognises we’re all learning, growing, and imperfect in this world. A heart that says:
وَاقْدُرْ لِيَ الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ، ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِي بِهِ…
…waqdir lī(ya) (a)l-khayra haythu kāna thumma arḍīnī bihi.
…And decree for me what is good wherever it may be, then make me content with it.
Duʿāʾ al-Istikhāra
When advice reaches us, it helps to pause and ask: What is Allah teaching me through this moment? When we focus on the message rather than the messenger, and receive reminders as though Allah is speaking to us, even difficult advice can become a means of mercy. May Allah grant us hearts that are humble, open, and receptive to His guidance. May He grant us the wisdom to receive sincere advice with grace and gratitude.
Ameen.
