We have all been there.
The kids are finally asleep, or the house has quieted down after a long, exhausting day. You sit down on the sofa, pick up your phone, and before you know it, you have spent forty-five minutes deep-diving into someone else’s drama on social media. Or maybe a WhatsApp notification pops up, a little bit of juicy gossip drops into the chat, and instead of closing the app, you type out a quick, witty reply that you know borders on backbiting.
A heavy sigh leaves your chest, accompanied by that familiar pang of guilt in your heart. You close your eyes and whisper, “A’udhu billah… Shaytaan really got the better of me today.”
There is something we say very easily when we fall into a sin: “Shaytaan got the better of me.” And sometimes, that may be true. But sometimes… we don’t pause long enough to ask a harder question: Was it really Shaytaan, or was it my own nafs?
As believing women striving for Jannah, we have to be careful not to give Shaytaan more credit than he deserves. Because while he whispers, suggests, beautifies and nudges… he does not force. He does not have the power to drag our limbs to commit a sin. He simply drops the invitation.
Allah tells us clearly in the Quran about a dramatic courtroom scene that will take place on the Day of Judgment:
وَقَالَ ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ لَمَّا قُضِىَ ٱلْأَمْرُ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ وَعَدَكُمْ وَعْدَ ٱلْحَقِّ وَوَعَدتُّكُمْ فَأَخْلَفْتُكُمْ ۖ وَمَا كَانَ لِىَ عَلَيْكُم مِّن سُلْطَـٰنٍ إِلَّآ أَن دَعَوْتُكُمْ فَٱسْتَجَبْتُمْ لِى ۖ فَلَا تَلُومُونِى وَلُومُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَكُم ۖ مَّآ أَنَا۠ بِمُصْرِخِكُمْ وَمَآ أَنتُم بِمُصْرِخِىَّ ۖ إِنِّى كَفَرْتُ بِمَآ أَشْرَكْتُمُونِ مِن قَبْلُ ۗ إِنَّ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ لَهُمْ عَذَابٌ أَلِيمٌۭ ٢٢
And Satan will say ˹to his followers˺ after the judgment has been passed, “Indeed, Allah has made you a true promise. I too made you a promise, but I failed you. I did not have any authority over you. I only called you, and you responded to me. So do not blame me; blame yourselves. I cannot save you, nor can you save me. Indeed, I denounce your previous association of me with Allah ˹in loyalty˺. Surely the wrongdoers will suffer a painful punishment.”
Ibrahim 14:22
SubhanAllah. On the Day of Judgement, Shaytaan will openly declare his innocence of our choices. He will look us in the eye and admit he only called, and we answered. He will wash his hands of us completely.
That’s heavy.
Is It Shaytaan?
Yes, Shaytaan whispers (waswas). He is a relentless, active enemy who studies our specific weaknesses. If he knows you are tired, he will target your patience. If he knows you love validation, he will target your modesty. Allah even teaches us to seek protection from him daily:
مِن شَرِّ ٱلْوَسْوَاسِ ٱلْخَنَّاسِ ٤
from the evil of the lurking whisperer—
An-Nas 114:4
The whisper may begin the thought. Shaytaan suggests. He beautifies sin. He makes it seem small. He delays repentance. He tells you “later.” He tells you “just this once.” He tells you “you deserve it because you’ve had such a hard day.”
But what happens after that? Do we entertain it? Do we justify it? Do we repeat it until it becomes comfortable?
The Prophet ﷺ taught us a beautiful psychological baseline to recognize when something is wrong. He said:
حَدَّثَنِي مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ حَاتِمِ بْنِ مَيْمُونٍ، حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ مَهْدِيٍّ، عَنْ مُعَاوِيَةَ بْنِ صَالِحٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ جُبَيْرِ بْنِ نُفَيْرٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنِ النَّوَّاسِ بْنِ سَمْعَانَ الأَنْصَارِيِّ، قَالَ سَأَلْتُ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَنِ الْبِرِّ وَالإِثْمِ فَقَالَ ” الْبِرُّ حُسْنُ الْخُلُقِ وَالإِثْمُ مَا حَاكَ فِي صَدْرِكَ وَكَرِهْتَ أَنْ يَطَّلِعَ عَلَيْهِ النَّاسُ ” .
Nawwas b. Sam’an al-Ansari reported: I asked Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) about virtue and vice. He said: Virtue is a kind disposition and vice is what rankles in your heart and that you disapprove that people should come to know of it.
Sahih Muslim 2553a
Sin unsettles the heart at first. It creates an internal flutter of discomfort. Shaytaan may knock, but he cannot open the door unless we turn the lock and allow him in.
Is It You?
We speak often about Shaytaan. Rarely do we speak about the nafs – our inner self, our ego, our soul’s lower inclinations. Yet Allah says:
۞ إِنَّ ٱلنَّفْسَ لَأَمَّارَةٌۢ بِٱلسُّوٓءِ إِلَّا مَا رَحِمَ رَبِّىٓ ۚ إِنَّ رَبِّى غَفُورٌۭ رَّحِيمٌۭ ٥٣…
…for indeed the soul is ever inclined to evil, except those shown mercy by my Lord. Surely my Lord is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”
Yusuf 12:53
Our nafs, our inner self, inclines toward comfort, desire, ego, validation, anger, envy. It is like a toddler; it wants what it wants, right now. It wants the instant gratification of a sharp comeback, the comfort of sleeping through a prayer, or the thrill of looking at something forbidden. And sometimes it wants what it wants so badly that Shaytaan doesn’t even need to try very hard. He can sit back and relax because our inner ego is doing all the work for him.
If we always blame Shaytaan, we never hold our nafs accountable. And if we don’t hold our nafs accountable, we cannot purify it. Allah says:
قَدْ أَفْلَحَ مَن زَكَّىٰهَا ٩
Successful indeed is the one who purifies their soul,
وَقَدْ خَابَ مَن دَسَّىٰهَا ١٠
and doomed is the one who corrupts it!
Ash-Shams 9-10
Notice, Allah didn’t say “He has succeeded who blames Shaytaan.” He said the one who purifies the soul.
That requires muhasabah. Radical self-confrontation. Deep, vulnerable honesty in front of the mirror. There’s a massive spiritual difference between: “Shaytaan tempted me, and I fought him but slipped, may Allah forgive my weakness.” And: “It was Shaytaan. What can I do? I am only human.”
The first is humility. The second can quietly become irresponsibility, making us passive victims in our own spiritual lives rather than active believers.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ يُوسُفَ، أَخْبَرَنَا مَالِكٌ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، عَنْ سَعِيدِ بْنِ الْمُسَيَّبِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ” لَيْسَ الشَّدِيدُ بِالصُّرَعَةِ، إِنَّمَا الشَّدِيدُ الَّذِي يَمْلِكُ نَفْسَهُ عِنْدَ الْغَضَبِ ”.
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.”
Sahih al-Bukhari 6114
He ﷺ placed strength in self-control, not in blaming external forces. Real jihad is not dramatic. It’s not loud. It’s incredibly quiet, happening in the mundane moments of our day.
It’s resisting the urge to reply harshly to your husband or kids when you are stressed.
It’s lowering your gaze or closing the tab when no one else sees you in the room.
It’s closing the app when a toxic discussion starts.
It’s swallowing your pride and apologising first.
It’s admitting to yourself: I wanted this. And I chose it.
That level of honesty is incredibly powerful.
A Little Bit of Both
Sometimes a sin begins as a whisper… but over time, it becomes a habit. And then we are no longer being “overpowered.” We are active participants.
It starts small:
A little backbiting disguised as “just venting.”
A little arrogance disguised as “knowing your worth.”
A little tabarruj (displaying one’s beauty) for a special occasion.
A little delay in prayer until it becomes our normal routine.
A little resentment kept in the heart.
And we say, “Astaghfirullah, Shaytaan.” But if months pass… and it’s still there… and we haven’t fought it seriously… at what point does it cease to be an external attack and become a part of who we are?
The Prophet ﷺ warned us about how sins affect the heart:
حَدَّثَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ، حَدَّثَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَجْلاَنَ، عَنِ الْقَعْقَاعِ بْنِ حَكِيمٍ، عَنْ أَبِي صَالِحٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنْ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ “ إِنَّ الْعَبْدَ إِذَا أَخْطَأَ خَطِيئَةً نُكِتَتْ فِي قَلْبِهِ نُكْتَةٌ سَوْدَاءُ فَإِذَا هُوَ نَزَعَ وَاسْتَغْفَرَ وَتَابَ سُقِلَ قَلْبُهُ وَإِنْ عَادَ زِيدَ فِيهَا حَتَّى تَعْلُوَ قَلْبَهُ وَهُوَ الرَّانُ الَّذِي ذَكَرَ اللَّهُ : ( كلاَّ بَلْ رَانَ عَلَى قُلُوبِهِمْ مَا كَانُوا يَكْسِبُونَ ) ” . قَالَ هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ صَحِيحٌ .
Abu Hurairah narrated that: the Messenger of Allah said: “Verily, when the slave (of Allah) commits a sin, a black spot appears on his heart. When he refrains from it, seeks forgiveness and repents, his heart is polished clean. But if he returns, it increases until it covers his entire heart. And that is the ‘Ran’ which Allah mentioned: ‘Nay, but on their hearts is the Ran which they used to earn.’”
Jami` at-Tirmidhi 3334
Continuation is a choice. Shaytaan whispers. The nafs enjoys. The limbs act. And if we do not interrupt that cycle with immediate repentance, it settles. At some point, it’s no longer just waswas. It’s willingness.
And that realisation is not meant to break us, it’s meant to wake us up.
The Solution: What Do We Do?
We fight both.
We seek refuge from Shaytaan consistently. We say a’udhu billahi min ash-shaytaan ir-rajim with true presence of heart, not just as a mechanical habit. We increase our daily dhikr, read our morning and evening adhkar, and guard our immediate environment and friendship circles.
But we also discipline the nafs. We use the practical toolkits given to us by Islam. We fast, because fasting literally weakens the physical pathways of desire and ego. We pray qiyam-ul-layl in the dark of the night because stepping out of a warm bed to stand before Allah humbles the ego like nothing else.
We make consistent du’a for spiritual purification. The Prophet ﷺ would regularly make this beautiful prayer:
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو بَكْرِ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ، وَإِسْحَاقُ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، وَمُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ نُمَيْرٍ، – وَاللَّفْظُ لاِبْنِ نُمَيْرٍ – قَالَ إِسْحَاقُ أَخْبَرَنَا وَقَالَ الآَخَرَانِ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو مُعَاوِيَةَ، عَنْ عَاصِمٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ الْحَارِثِ، وَعَنْ أَبِي عُثْمَانَ النَّهْدِيِّ، عَنْ زَيْدِ بْنِ أَرْقَمَ، قَالَ لاَ أَقُولُ لَكُمْ إِلاَّ كَمَا كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ كَانَ يَقُولُ ” اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَالْهَرَمِ وَعَذَابِ الْقَبْرِ اللَّهُمَّ آتِ نَفْسِي تَقْوَاهَا وَزَكِّهَا أَنْتَ خَيْرُ مَنْ زَكَّاهَا أَنْتَ وَلِيُّهَا وَمَوْلاَهَا اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ عِلْمٍ لاَ يَنْفَعُ وَمِنْ قَلْبٍ لاَ يَخْشَعُ وَمِنْ نَفْسٍ لاَ تَشْبَعُ وَمِنْ دَعْوَةٍ لاَ يُسْتَجَابُ لَهَا ” .
Zaid b. Alqam reported: I am not going to say anything but only that which Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upgn him) used to say. He used to supplicate: “ O Allah, I seek refuge in Thee from incapacity, from sloth, from cowardice, from miserliness, decrepitude and from torment of the grave. O Allah, grant to my soul the sense of righteousness and purify it, for Thou art the Best Purifier thereof. Thou art the Protecting Friend thereof, and Guardian thereof. O Allah, I seek refuge in Thee from the knowledge which does not benefit, from the heart that does not entertain the fear (of Allah), from the soul that does not feel contented and the supplication that is not responded.”
Sahih Muslim 2722
Even he ﷺ asked Allah to purify his soul. So how much more do we desperately need it?
The Outcome
If everything wrong in our lives is “just Shaytaan,” then we are helpless, passive victims. But if we recognise that we have a nafs that needs training and consistent, loving discipline, then we actually have a roadmap. We have work to do… and an immense reward to earn.
Accountability is not harshness. It is growth. It is looking at yourself and saying, “I love my soul too much to leave it in this state.” And Allah loves those who try, those who stumble, and those who pick themselves back up.
وَٱلَّذِينَ جَـٰهَدُوا۟ فِينَا لَنَهْدِيَنَّهُمْ سُبُلَنَا ۚ وَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَمَعَ ٱلْمُحْسِنِينَ ٦٩
As for those who struggle in Our cause, We will surely guide them along Our Way. And Allah is certainly with the good-doers.
Al-Ankabut 29:69
So next time you slip, pause, skip the automatic excuses, and ask yourself: Was that a whisper I can resist? Or is that a desire I’ve been quietly feeding?
And then turn back to Allah, not in despair, but in absolute determination. Because the true believer is not the one who never sins. The believer is the one who takes responsibility for her steps, dusts off her knees, and keeps returning.
And Shaytaan hates that consistency more than anything else.
